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Dear God, Central Milton Keynes. By the mid-90s those fake neighbourhoods it had been divided into were engaged in gang warfare with one another.

I remember it best from the ’70s when it was all brand new; it’s a shock now to drive through and find all those new trees strapped to their rods have long since matured.

I’ve only been to Milton Keynes to go to the indoor snow slope. Just like skiing, but instead of beautiful mountain scenery, you’re in a shed.

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